OHMYWORD. I'm back. Ish. Whatever.

Christmas. We killed it up in here. In spite of the financial stress and almost pooping my pants and puking blood, we survived and had a blast - kids loved everything they got and there were some awesome reactions on Christmas morning!

Mr SWAT has been off since the 22nd and is off until Jan 2nd.

My basement flooded, and our entire house smells like cat pee, and i don't know why.

I'm now at the "get this crap down and out of my house" stage, which is shortly after grief for me. Just so you know, i start to get totally sad on Christmas Eve afternoon. It just goes SO FAST!! I don't want it to! It's my favorite, all kicking off with traditional tree day on the first Saturday of the month. And now it's done. And i'm HUGE. My fat jeans are crying. My stretch marks have stretch marks. I have Mommy-boobs. You know what i'm talking about.

And, with impeccable timing, today the lost package came. THE ONE. The one meant for Christmas Eve. The lingerie. I don't want to wear it then, and i certainly do not want to wear it now after eating constantly. The only thing i have to fall back on at this point is that it's been so long since we porked that he will be blind to anything gross, and just see naked woman, and think it's awesome.

Wearing stuff like that is only fun when i'm skinny. It's true. I HATE it when i'm fat. When i have to wear the ones that he got me when i was pregnant that split down the middle. For my baby-tummy. Only now it's for my cookie gut. SO. GROSS. Again, he does not notice this at all. I'm like, "OH MY WORD the rubber band thong is digging in to my body and it looks like a thong on a bag of cottage cheese". He just sees almost naked lady. It's best that way of course. I don't actually want him to be THAT husband. The one who points everything out. He's just totally pumped to get laid.

Seriously, the cat pee smell is vomit inducing. And it's still raining, so it's just going to keep smelling.

So, for Christmas. These were three things that made me laugh. I thought i bought him the blueray of Expendables 2. I actually bought him the first one again, which we already have on blueray. He bought me a book i already have but with LARGE PRINT for failing eyes. Though, with the blueray screw up, maybe i could use some glasses.

I just remembered yesterday i hadn't bought my nephews and niece Christmas gifts yet, we see them on New Years Eve, so i ran out...did a Confessions of a Shopoholic move with a Sears card, 5$ gift card, and $2.35 on my bank card. But at least it's done with. I'm totally over this at this point.

Christmas needs to peace out, and i need to move on to cutting snowflakes with the kids and making Valentines. I can't realize i have to buy one more Christmas gift for someone, or i will die.

Unrelated, i cannot even stomach seeing one more Instagram pic of teen girls. That sounds creepy i said that, but you know what i mean. The peace signs like it's a new thing, the duckface, the, "what? little ol' ME trying to look sexy?" shots. HOLY CRAP. We know what you're doing, we already DID it, just stop. But they won't.

Basically this lazy Saturday afternoon, i'm just here to tell you i lived, i'm alive. OOOH AND because of one of my bestest girls over at A Grace Full Life (I LOVE YOU KARI!) i stole an idea for my Mom's Christmas present. Those adorable mason jar snowglobes. So totally check her out, like her on facebook, follow her sweet buns on Twitter. I totally love her. I do. Not just because of the pictures of her snowglobes. That sounded pervy, unintentional. Sorta.

So peace out, we're having Christmas dinner, reloaded. Hope all ya'll had an awesome Christmas with family and friends!!!

Don't YOU want to wear this after eating constantly?